Breaking Down the Ultimate Nurse Madness Bracket

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Fans of the one seeds have already started pouring in. It appears Nurse “Hot Lips” Houlihan from M*A*S*H is so far the runaway favorite. Greg Focker appears to be second in support, followed by Showtime (now Netflix) star Nurse Jackie. No one has shown much love to the deranged Anne Wilkes from Stephen King’s Misery, so I guess most of you are pretty normal (so far).

But we’re breaking down each region today, so let’s get to the match-ups:

Region 1

Region 1

Nurse Jackie stands at the top of Region 1’s bracket, and why shouldn’t she? No other nurse in this bracket has their own show, though to be honest, lots of these nurses had their time before Netflix existed. Details, details…

While Nurse Jackie may be the most recognizable face and brand in this region, it would be a serious mistake to sleep on Nurse Ratched, a nurse described as a “cold and heartless tyrant.” She’s as corrupt as they come, and considering she’s up against Nurse Kulap, from the little known Adult Swim show Childrens Hospital (on Cartoon Network though it’s not a cartoon), she seems primed for a run to the Sweet 16. Ratched will do anything to win and we love her for that.

But the Sweet 16 is where she could meet a real sleeper. Madame Pomfrey is an unsung hero from the Harry Potter series. Many forget she not only fought in the great battle against Death Eaters but personally dispatched one, and was found treating the injured immediately after the battle. Will Pomfrey have a shot at taking on Nurse Ratched? Only if we’re lucky.

Region 2

Region 2

Atop this bracket is the twisted or largely misunderstood (depending on your interpretation) Annie Wilkes. Sure she gets a bad wrap for being a psychotic serial killer, but there’s no denying she knows what’s she’s doing. The American Film Institute included Annie Wilkes (as played by Bates) in their “100 Heroes and Villains” list, ranking her as the 17th most iconic villain (and sixth most iconic villainess) in film history – how far can that get in her in this nurse bracket?

But do consider another sleeping giant in this bracket: Kitty Forman from That ’70s Show. She may be small in stature, but she’s huge in heart. The giddy Kitty may quietly be a nursing force bound for the Final Four. If she can balance Red Forman and her son Eric, she can handle anyone from General Hospital.

That is, unless the Soap Opera fans show up to vote – then things could get messy.

Then there’s the underrated 5-seeded Evelyn Johnson. You may remember her from Pearl Harbor, the nurse that both Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett were willing to die for. Will her charm get her over Nurse Ripples, or ER‘s Samantha Taggart? It just won’t be easy for her, and looks will only carry you so far beyond the big screen.

Region 3

Region 3

Arguably the tournament favorite if not for the talented Nurse Houlihan, this may mark Focker’s first ever appearance as a favorite in anything. He’s constantly under suspicion from father-in-law Robert DeNiro and his wife’s ex-man Owen Wilson is irrefutably cooler.

But in this realm, a 64-nurse tournament, Focker might as well be Duke. He’ll make you laugh, milk a cat, or spike a volleyball right in your face – take Focker lightly at your own peril.

Should we be worried about Nurse Hathaway, the runaway star from ER? The problem is, ER‘s been off the air for nearly seven years. Furthermore, she’s facing another ER nurse in the first round. Will her fans show up to move her past Connie Oligario?

Don’t sleep on Lady Sybil Branson though – she’s beloved, and her shocking fate in Downtown Abbey may garner enough sympathy votes to make her a real force out of this region.

Region 4

Region 4

And finally there’s the bracket of Nurse “Hot Lips” Houlihan, the M*A*S*H standout nurse and problem-solver extraordinaire. Make no mistake, this is the one from the TV series that ran for 11 years played by Loretta Swit, not the movie. The M*A*S*H unit always tried to have fun at her expense, but no matter the practical joke, she quickly gained a reputation for keeping it real.

Is this bracket even fair? It’s a tough draw for anyone that landed here. You could argue that Carla Espinosa from Scrubs could knock off Hot Lips in the Elite 8, but will there be enough Scrubs fans to push the upset? Furthermore, Nurse Dixie McCall from NBC’s Emergency could shock some people.

One sneaky upset bid to watch here, and one that could run away to the finals: Nurse Ann Perkins from Parks and Rec. This is easily the most dangerous 4-seed in the field. Nurse Perkins would meet Houlihan in the Sweet 16 if the voters decide – from there, it could honestly be a toss up.

Click here to be taken to the official tournament home to read the rules and timing of everything!            

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